Father as King - 2
In 1Tim.3:1, 4-5, Paul talked about the qualifications for being a leader in the church “If a man desires the position of a bishop, he desires a good work…one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?)”
It is worthy to note that the most important area he stresses is the condition of the man's home and not his charisma, his gifting or even anointing, for the home is really like a miniature church. So God is saying that only when one is committed to the success of the little church at home then can he be qualified for the promotion to govern His bigger church in the body of Christ.
One of the possible reasons why so many churches are not healthy could be because most leaders have not learned the skill to manage family life before managing church life. We do not need to be perfect to be leader but at least we need to be intentionally putting our effort & growing in it.
The word 'manage' in Greek literally means 'to stand in front of'. It also contains various ideas including 'to rule', 'to protect' and 'to control'. Essentially, it means that the father as king is supposed to stand as the head of the home and put himself between his family and all the pressures and dangers of life. He should also go in front of them and set an example of godly living.
According to Eph.5:25, the call to the husband is to essentially become a living martyr in his commitment to serve his wife. Part of the practical aspect of martyrdom is to lay down our own lives on our wives’ behalf, putting their needs above our own for the rest of our lives – regardless of what happens.
Jn.15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”
Christ’s headship is for the sake of the Church. Likewise, the husband’s headship should be for the sake of his wife. All decisions are to be made with her best interest and welfare in mind. The husband headship requires him to put his wife first above all things, as Christ does the church. If this is fulfilled, the wife will not have issues with submission.
Servanthood Leadership
Matt.20:25-28 – “But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you, but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be a servant…just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many”
A call to leadership is also a call to servanthood. True leadership is found in serving others. One of the most common complaints among wives is that their husbands do not help in housework. As mentioned before, if we like to be treated like a king, then we must first learn how to serve our wife like a Queen.
Fatherhood
Eph.6:4 – “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord”
Col.3:21 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
Why did the Bible use a negative word “Provoke” to address the father when it comes to parenting rather than using positive words to encourage them?
God knows that many fathers tend to make the mistake of administering discipline without relationship on their children. And rules without relationship is likely to ‘provoke them to wrath’ which then leads to rebellion. If fathers do not build relationships but only want to be King of the house to administer discipline on their children, they will only bring about discouragement rather than helping their children in their life transformation.
Studies and statistic have found that the most important factor that has to do with personality development and building healthy identity as a child is the child’s relationship with his/her father. It is also an important factor with the child’s ongoing growth as an adult.
A good & responsible father brings great emotional security to the wife. When a woman feels secure, loved & cherished, her mind & body will respond healthily towards her husband. The best husband is also a good father. A wife needs her husband to take a leadership role in the family, share the responsibility in nurturing the children, and be involved in their educational and moral development.
Unfortunately, most fathers take little interest in their children’s development. Many wives complain that the family started as a partnership but in actual practice, evolved into a sole proprietorship. A father must see child training as a joint effort. A joint decision receives greater respect from their children and they are less likely to challenge the decision. By avoiding the role of father, a husband loses his wife’s respect & admiration. He might lose his children’s respect too. The children might fear him but does not honor nor fully respect him.
Mal.4:5-6 “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, less I come and strike the earth with a curse”
Why is the prophecy only towards the father and not the mother? Could it be that God of eternity knows many fathers will shun the responsibility of fatherhood and thus promises that He will restore the spirit of Elijah to bring them back to their calling?