Devotion for Marriages – Respecting the Husband
Respect - A husband’s love language
A man was old and very ill and the children were gathered around his bed waiting for his last breath. Suddenly, he smelled the aroma of his wife’s baking in the kitchen. So he asked his daughter to get him a piece of cheesecake to eat. The daughter came back and said, “Mom said you can’t have any, it is for your funeral.”
Many times, a husband’s opinion is not respected but is instead put down, overlooked and even belittled. Respect, however, is a husband’s most important love language.
Respect = Love
What exactly is the secret behind the long-term success of marriages? We need to learn emotional intelligence, be a student of our spouse’s emotional needs and take consistent action to make the marriage fulfilling for them.
In Eph.5:22-33, the passage deals specifically with marriage relationships and for three times, we see that the husbands are commanded to love their wives:
Vs.25 – “Husband, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it…”
Vs.28 – “So husband ought to love their own wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself”
Vs. 33 – “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband”
Yet God doesn’t command the wife to reciprocate by loving her husband. Instead, as seen in vs.22, she is called to “submit” to her husband and in vs.33 to “respect” her husband.
Very simply, the Lord is giving the wife the key for her to reciprocate her love for her husband. The husband equates respect to love. If husbands don’t feel respected, they don’t feel loved. The women’s greatest need is love and security while a man’s greatest need is significance. Therefore, a husband feels loved when his wife shows him great respect and honor.
Many wives love their husbands, yes, but respect them? No! Let us glean a lesson from the story of David & Michal.
In 1Sam.18:20, it says “Now Michal, Saul’s daughter, loved David…”
Sadly, in 2 Sam.6:14-23, she didn’t show respect to David, “Then David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was wearing a linen ephod…Michal, Saul’s daughter, looked through a window and saw King David leaping and whirling before the Lord, and she despised him in her heart…(vs.20) Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, “How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself…(vs.23) Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death”
Michal’s disrespect for David lead to her barrenness. Some believe she was cursed with barrenness. However, I personally feel it was because David stopped having physical intimacy with her, and that lead to her barrenness. Her disrespect caused him to lose his appetite for her physically. This is a common mistake made by wives. A woman who is too domineering, overbearing and controlling often “pushes” her husband to another woman who is able to affirm him and give him the respect he craves. We repeat - husbands feel valued through respect.
A man can be very tall physically and yet feel short emotionally, or very short physically and yet feel very tall emotionally – it depends on how he is treated by his wife. If a wife does not learn to respect her husband, she can never satisfy her husband sexually.
Proverbs 14:1 - “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands”
A wise woman can greatly improve a marriage, family and home. In contrast, a foolish woman can ruin all of this and destroy her own legacy. Unfortunately, many wives make the mistake of pulling down the peace at home by not showing respect to their husbands. Instead of showing admiration and giving affirmation to their husbands, they are critical, demeaning and always nagging their husbands.
A wife’s disrespect toward her husband will result in their children also becoming disrespectful to their father, thus destroying the father and children relationship. On the other hand, a wise woman knows that affirming and praising her husband to the children lead to a strong, unified, and happy home.
A woman is either a crown to her husband or rottenness in his bones.
Prov.12:4 - “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Points to Ponder:
If you want to be a romantic wife and be a blessing to your husband, then you need to consciously and constantly ask yourself, “Do my words and actions come across as respectful to my husband?”