Sexual Fulfilment
A man was asked to fill up the form for job application, and when he came to the question on sex, he intuitively answered, “Not enough”!
Most wives do not understand their husbands’ deep need for sex, they tend to judge according to their own sexual appetite and that leaves many husbands frustrated with unmet sexual needs.
In marriage, if the couple does not get along well in the bedroom, generally, they do not get along well in the rest of their married life. The health of our sexual relationship with our spouse is commonly a good barometer of our marriage relationship.
Whatever God made is good and holy, thus, Christians should not feel embarrassed when talking about sex or sexuality. Due to shame and embarrassment, most teaching on sex inside the Church becomes inadequate, leaving the teaching to come from outside the church and sadly, most of these teachings are perverted.
God in His sovereignty and wisdom has inspired Solomon to write the Song of Solomon and preserve it as a sacred Scripture for us. And interestingly, most bible scholars will agree that there are two interpretations to this book:
- Figurative interpretation- Solomon representing Christ & the Shulamite representing the Church. If we study the book according to this interpretation, we will learn keys and principles of how to walk with Christ in deep intimacy seeing him not just only as our Lord and savior but also as our bridegroom to come.
- Literal interpretation – Solomon representing the husband & the Shulamite representing the wife and this interpretation teaches healthy sexual intimacy intended by God between a husband & his wife
Why would God choose to use one book with two interpretations conveying two different messages to His children?
I think the directive is very clear. God is teaching us that we can be holy before Him and be an erotic spouse simultaneously.
Adventurous Sex
Some husbands say, “I like my wife to be an angel in public but a demoness in the bedroom.”
Such remarks are great insults to God. What we are saying is that sensual and adventurous sexuality is Satan’s realm. If we truly believe that it is God who creates the erogenous / pleasure zone in our bodies so that we can take joy in sex and not just for procreation, then as Christians, we should not be ashamed of enjoying sex. Our sexual knowledge of how to bring fulfilment to our spouse should surpass what the world or even the pornography industry can offer.
Let’s have glimpses of what Solomon teaches in the Song of Songs on sex from the New Living Translation to have a clearer understanding:
S.O.S 1:2 – “Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine”
She desires the kiss of her husband, comparing them to be better than any joy she can get through celebration. Note here that Shulamite is not only responsive but proactive in pursuing pleasure from her husband.
S.O.S 2:3 – “Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit.”
A point of reference may be gained here on a faint and delicate reference to an oral genital experience as many bible scholars believe that the “fruits” in this passage suggest his genitals. (In the Jewish culture and extra biblical literature, “fruits” is often equated with male genitals or with semen).
S.O.S 4:16 - “Awake, north wind! Rise up, south wind! Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits.”
Just as the “fruit” in chapter two is most likely to infer to the male genital, likewise the ‘garden’ in this passage is likely referring to the female genitals.
(More teaching on this can be found in my book “God’s Intended Intimacy”)
S.O.S 5:1(b) – “Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love!”
Who is the voice? How can there be a 3rd party when the husband and wife are in the midst of such deep and intense physical intimacy? It only can be God. God is speaking, encouraging them to be intoxicated and enjoy the full pleasure of their sexual unity!
S.O.S 5:10-14 – “My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others! His head is finest gold; his wavy hair is black as a raven. His eyes sparkle like doves beside springs of water; they are set like jewels washed in milk. His cheeks are like gardens of spices giving off fragrance. His lips are like lilies, perfumed with myrrh. His arms are like rounded bars of gold, set with beryl. His body is like bright ivory, glowing with lapis lazuli”
We can see from this passage that she is very interactive and affirming during their lovemaking session. Again here, the “Carved ivory” in Hebrew is quite erotic – many scholars believe that is a description of her husband’s erect penis.
S.O.S - 6:13 – “she moves so gracefully between two lines of dancers…”
As part of their foreplay, and as her way of arousing his sexual interest, she dances and probably even performs striptease for her husband.
S.O.S 7:11-12 – “Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love…”
To keep the sexual relationship vibrant and alive, she even initiates new places to enjoy their sexual experience, including outdoors.
Points to Ponder:
Does your relationship with the Lord Jesus become more and more “boring” with time? Just as a lack of spiritual vitality reflects a spiritual problem, so a lack of growth in the vitality of our marriage reveals a marriage problem.
Just as we need discipline to keep our spiritual life with the Lord vibrant, we also need discipline and diligence to keep our marriage lively and zesty to reflect a healthy image of Christ and the church.