Dating vs Married
When a man and woman are in a dating relationship, they will move closer to each other emotionally (the two lines converging towards each other). At the point where the two lines intercept, that is when the couples get married. However, after marriage, most couples begin to emotionally move apart from each other, and the gap widens over time.
The relationship moves from irresistible to incompatible, fascination to frustration and worse, from love birds to angry birds. Many treat their girlfriends like angels during dating and once married, wish that they could just buy a broom for the wife so that like a witch, she can just fly away.
According to research and statistics, an average romantic love experience usually last for about 2 years. Sadly, the true fact is that there are many who are married and yet feel lonely and isolated!
Thus, many regards true love like a ghost, everybody talks about it but no one has actually seen it.
Result of a sexual intimacy survey:
1-2 years of marriage = average of 3 times a week
3-5 years of marriage = average of once a week.
5yrs & above of marriage = average of once or twice a month or lesser
Yet interestingly, in that same survey, these couples desire to have sexual intercourse on the average of 2-3 times a week.
- Before marriage, they have to struggle to keep themselves pure, but after marriage, when they have the license to do, they struggle to get together. Why?
- The reason is due to lack of emotional intimacy. They are physically close but emotionally divorced. Worse, many are emotionally wounding each other.
Generally, if couples do not get along well in the bedroom, it will affect every aspect of their marriage lives. Sexual dissatisfaction can be a seedbed for many other disappointments in the marriage.
Eph.2:13 – “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been made near by the blood of Christ”
How can an unbeliever be far away from God when He is omnipresent? This verse is not talking about the physical distance, but the distance within a relationship. They are like the mottos of seven eleven “Close but never close”. Many couples seem close physically but never close emotionally.
Many couples are willing to spend lavishly and put in one hundred per cent of their energy into the 1st day of their marriage, to have a perfect wedding experience. Sadly, they are not willing to work hard to make sure they end well on the last day of their marriage.
To finish well, passion itself is not enough; we need a plan to sustain a good marriage. Many marriages start with passion and end up pathetic. Every day, each partner in the marriage makes choices that result in oneness or in isolation. Marriage seemingly made in Heaven can turn into Hell on earth if we do not manage it well.
“Love is a commitment” should not be a full stop, but rather a comma. Love is a commitment, to make the other person feel loved. Studies have shown that an unhappy marriage can increase your chances of getting sick by roughly 35% and even shorten your life by an average of four years.”
Romantic love can be scientifically engineered. There are factors that build or destroy a romantic relationship. Intimacy is not a gift; it’s a skill which is developed through learning and practice.