Devotion for Marriages – Communication to a Woman
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towels and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob, the next-door neighbor”, she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story: Always have deep communication with your wife.
Not Talking Husband
The number one complaint from most wives is usually about communication or rather, the lack of it. Often, wives fret that they are the ones who always heard the ‘news’ last, worst if they heard it from others and this make them feel unloved, not treasured & insecure.
Once I was ministering in Vietnam and a couple came to us to share about their marriage problems. After the whole session, the husband apologized to the wife for all the hurts and pain he had cause in all their years of marriage. The wife broke down and cried bitterly. After she had regained her composure, she said this to her husband “There is only one thing I ask of you; that you communicate with me your thoughts…”
By keeping our wives informed we are giving them the message that they are important, valuable to us. For men, the road to the heart is the stomach. For women, the road to the heart is the ear. Men tend to spell intimacy as SEX; however, women spell intimacy as TALK.
Great sex is a product of a great relationship, and great relationship is built through great communication.
Not Listening Husband - Empathy vs. Solution
Wife: “I feel that my husband is the safest person I can share my secret with.”
Friend: “Wow, I can see that you really have confidence and trust in your husband!”
Wife: “Yes, I am confident he’ll never tell anyone, because he isn’t even listening to what I tell him.”
The second most common complaint among wives is a non-listening husband.
Studies have found that a woman in general speaks about 25,000 words a day on average, and men only 10,000 words. Hence, communication is a very vital emotional need for women.
Generally, women process a problem through talking. So, when they share a problem, they may not be asking for a solution, but are seeking for a listening ear, an assurance of love and acceptance. Their feelings and desire to be heard are much important than the problem itself.
Wives are not testing their husbands’ IQ when they raise issues for discussion. They just have a profound need to engage in conversation about their interests and concerns, especially with the one they love. Unfortunately, many husbands lose patience in listening to their wives, and make the mistake of asking their wives for the facts, in order for them to provide a solution to the problem. Sadly, they miss the point. The emphasis is on listening, not fixing.
Courtship vs. Marriage
The need for conversation is generally fulfilled during courtship, but often unmet after marriage. What happens on a typical date during courtship? Most dates center around showing each other affection and having conversations. In fact, communication is the main element that brings dating into marriage.
In the female psyche, conversation blends with affection to make them feel bonded with the other person. If the husband seriously wants the relationship to grow in intimacy, then he needs to continue to give her verbal attention and affection.
After marriage, men tend to talk more to their computer, TV, newspaper, mobile phone, etc.
Hence, many wives complain that they are like John the Baptist, “a lonely voice crying in the wilderness”.
Points to Ponder:
On an average day, how much time do we spend communicating with our wife and are we intentionally trying to meet her emotional needs in communication?
Take some time to reflect how we communicate with our spouse. Does it build them up or tear them down? Does it inflict pain and death or impart grace and edification?