Devotion for Marriages – Communication to a Man
Unlike women who usually process their problem through conversations, men usually need personal space when they are stressed or have a problem. They need their “empty box” or “cave” - a space where they are alone, with peace and quiet. Do not pursue them when they are in their “cave”, as this will only cause them to hide deeper and longer. Such responses led many wives to complain that their husbands are not sharing their problems with them.
The best way to communicate with your husband sometimes is not to communicate with them. Non-verbal communication is communication for man! Being there, supportive and respecting him might be the choicest ways for him to open up.
Decompression time
When a diver ascends from deep underwater diving, they are not supposed to remove the diving gear immediately in the open air. They need time for their body to decompress from their exposure to high ambient pressure under water. In like manner, allow your husband to “decompress” from the pressure of the corporate world into the family life before you share with them all the things you struggled with at home or things that bothered you during the day. It is prudent and thoughtful to do it only after a relaxing time and after they have acclimatized themselves at home.
How to develop conversation topics?
Try to develop the same interest and do things together. The more shared interests between the both of you, the more time you spend doing thing together, the better the communication.
Be deliberate to meet the other’s needs. Try to expand the shared interests. Grow the memories.
Shared interests
Couples often make the fatal mistake of going their separate ways when an activity becomes boring to one spouse. Couples should seek to be each other’s favorite recreational companionship. Be involved in each other’s sphere of interest and develop interest in each other’s areas of interest as much as possible, be it hobby, recreation, circle of friends, movie, etc.
The key is to ensure that the most interesting and enjoyable parts of our life are experienced together. Companionship & Communication goes hand in hand; the more things we have in common and the more beautiful memories we enjoyed together, the more subjects we can converse with each other and the deeper the bonding. This does not mean that our spouse’s favorite activities have to become our passion, but rather our spouse needs to be our passion. We should determine to enjoy life together as a family unit and not separately. Couples that play together stay together.
Furthermore, men usually view playing and doing things together with their wife as romantic, as they regard companionship as quality time. Husbands find a wife who is having fun with him as incredibly attractive and it makes him feel loving and intimate with her.
Many have believed in the lie that husbands and wives should “maintain personal space” or they would lose their personal identity and self-worth. Hence, it created many “married singles” who become prime candidates for extramarital affairs. They are married but their schedule and activities keep them apart, giving room for others to easily deposit into their love bank.
Marriage Time
Married couples should plan a regular quality time to connect with each other. During dating season, time spent together is the key element of developing the relationship. If money is the currency in the economic world, then time is the currency in the world of relationship.
Research finds that most couples engage, on average, in meaningful conversation, as little as four minutes a day, which is lesser time than what it takes to cook a hard-boiled egg. Most conversation in marriage are functional, revolving around household chores, bills, children’s education, etc. rather than deep sharing of emotions and dreams.
If couples truly desire their marriage to grow from strength to strength, they must be willing to invest in their marriage to build history and great memories together. If fact, studies have found that one of the important elements that leads to breakdown in marriages is boredom. There is no stimulant in the relationship and the relationship slowly dies in monotony without the couples even realizing it. But when couples spend time alone each week, their levels of happiness, positive communication and sexual satisfaction are 3 times higher compared to couples who don’t.
Sadly, many couples choose to focus on upgrading their standard of living at the expense of upgrading the marriage relationship. We should always seek to pursue a higher quality of life rather than a higher standard of living!
Plan, Prioritize & Protect your marriage time, as promising to do it “some other time” might be an illusion that never happens
Grace vs Pain
Eph. 4:29-30 – “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”
Does our speech edify and impart grace or causes pain to our spouse? We should speak to your spouse in a way we will not regret if he/she were to die tomorrow. Lives to too short to create pain for one another. we should support each other to celebrate life instead of causing each other to tolerate life.
Prov.18:21 – “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit”
Prov.18:21 – “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” (NLT)
Words are like seeds. If we sow words of death, we reap the fruits of death in the relationship, if we sow words of life, we reap fruits of life in the relationship.
Point to Ponder:
How many of your spheres of interest overlap with your spouse’s, and how has that helped to enhance your communication? Or are you and your spouse’s interests totally separated and are causing the both of you to slowly drift apart?
Take some time to reflect how we communicate with our spouse. Does it build them up or tear them down? Does it inflict pain and death or impart grace and edification?
If possible, commit Eph.4:29-30 & Prov.18:21 into memory, it will be a great blessing to your relationship.