Admiration & Affirmation
Wives are created by God to complete the husbands, and not to compete with them.
Genesis 2:18 – “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Wives who have not learned their roles and the importance of respecting their husbands may even seek to be the primary voice in the marriage, and some are even proud of it. They don’t mind the husband being the head of the family as long as they are the neck that controls the head.
To avoid this common mistake, let’s consider some practical aspects of showing respect to the husband:
- Be contented to live within the family’s financial means.
A husband has a deep desire to be a provider. In our modern society, though the man is not usually the sole breadwinner, but he still wants to feel that his work is meeting the needs and desires of his wife. When a wife learns to live within the family’s financial means, she’s communicating respect to her husband by validating his hard work and his need to be a provider. She’s also removing financial stress from the marriage.
- Admiration, Affirmation & Encouragement
Commonly, it was perceived by most women that man usually fall into immorality due to sexual temptation or the sensuality of the other women. Apparently, Proverbs 7 seems to paint a different picture of how a man is seduced into immorality by a woman.
Prov.7:5 – “That they may keep you from the immoral woman, from the seductress who flatters with her words…(vs.21) with her enticing speech she caused him to yield…(vs.26) for she cast down many wounded and all who were slain by her were strong men.
“Flattery” & “Enticing Speech” – are simply counterfeit of admiration & affirmation.
Here, it tells us that the men were seduced into immorality because of admiration & affirmation rather than sexual temptation, as perceived by many wives. The bible even warns us that those who fell were not necessarily emotionally or spiritually weak, for it says that, “all who were slain by her were “strong men”.
Even in the midst of public success, a husband can feel like a failure if he is not admired by his wife. Lack of admiration at home makes him vulnerable to compliments from other women. Don’t make your husband go outside your marriage for approval; he needs your appreciation and admiration.
A wife needs affirmation from their husband by them vocalizing, “I Love You”. In like manner, a husband needs affirmation from their wife by them vocalizing, “I Believe in You”. Have you ever told your husband that you believe in him and respect him? Have you expressed your faith in him?
Generally, men hate to see counselors because they do not want someone to be critical of them. Most men have fragile self-images and hence they are inherently more defensive about their shortcomings. While criticism causes men to become defensive, admiration and affirmation energize and motivate them. A man expects and needs his wife to be his most enthusiastic fan. He draws confidence from her support and can usually achieve far more with her encouragement.
As wives typically ‘glow’ in their husbands’ love and affection, husbands simply thrive on their wives’ admiration!
The opposite of a Respectful wife is a Critical wife
Prov.21:9 – “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house with a contentious wife”
Vs.19 – “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious wife and angry woman”
A contentious (quarrelsome) wife is a great irritation. Many wives, in their desperation to get attention and love from their husbands, have unconsciously become critical and “naggy”, which only drive their husbands further into isolation and cause them to withdraw emotionally.
Some even nag or complain about their husbands to others, in the presence of their husbands, which is disastrous to the men’s ego.
Nagging does one of two things to men: Either the man becomes stubborn and obstinate, or he forms a habit of giving in to keep the peace.
Stubbornness because he feels his masculinity has been challenged; and his God-given responsibility for leadership has been threatened. Perhaps very few husbands will actually analyse it this way for this is often a subconscious reaction on their part, but the stubbornness is a sign that a man is fighting to retain his leadership, even to the point of ridiculous obstinacy.
The other reaction is even more deadly: He gives in to keep the peace. He finds it easier to do what she wants rather than make an issue of it, and if this goes on long enough, another problem will arise in the marriage – one of a bossy wife and a henpecked husband. Thus, it is good to learn and turn your nagging into “nagging prayers” to God.
We have often heard the saying, “Behind every great man is a great woman”. I personally believe that, “Behind every great man, is an admiring, affirmative and respectful wife”