Honour & Priority

There is a strong correlation between the rise in divorces and the rising epidemic of public disrespect among wives for their husbands.

Many husbands complain about how painful it is when their wives publicly criticize or put them down, or question their judgment in front of others. Men minimally expect their wives to be supportive and respectful to them in public.

Wives should never in word, tone of voice, body language or facial expression put down their husband in front of others. Eye rolling is a show of contempt, and studies and research have found it to be the top indicator of whether a marriage will fail. Wives need to sincerely examine whether their actions and words come across as respectful or disrespectful, especially in public.

In marriage, we are in the position to know each other’s idiosyncrasies, deepest secrets and greatest weakness, and even each other’s most embarrassing moments. Many women unconsciously belittle their husband in public by sharing their husbands’ weaknesses with friends. Some even make hostile jokes of their husbands’ bad habits. What she deems as teasing, can be likened to torture to the husband. Therefore, avoid hurtful humor, jokes or teasing, as they can be very humiliating or poisonous to the relationship. Instead, adore him in public.

Many husbands are not communicating deeply with their wives because they don’t feel respected or honored by their wives. Many affairs start with the needs of the soul rather than the body.

Prov.12:4 – “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones”

Prov.18:21 – “Life & death is in the power of the tongue”.

Look Attractive

When women do not take care of themselves and their appearance, they are unwittingly sending a strong & silent message to their husbands - “I really don’t care what you think”. Naturally, we always try to look our best for the person who is important to us. Hence, a wife should make reasonable effort to stay attractive to their husband – both in public and private.

Many wives dress up to impress people whom they do not know and who don’t even care for them, but yet they don’t dress up for the men they love and who love them.

A very important aspect of showing honor practically to the husband is by making effort to take care of your external looks and bring out the best of who you are. By taking care of your body, you take care of your husband. When you make the effort to look good for him, you are indirectly honoring and respecting your husband. And you should pay as much attention to your choice of clothing you wear at home to what you wear in public. Your goal is to be attractive to him in private, and let him be proud of you in public

An attractive wife is one of man’s basic marital needs. It may sound immature or superficial, but God has created men as visual creatures. What does that mean?

It means that their eye gates are very sensitive and they are responsive to what they see. It means that that wives need to feed their husbands’ eyes!

Prefer him

For some couples, the close relationships they develop with their children help them to escape from the problems they have in their marriage. Many wives especially make the blunder of making their children the center of their lives after giving birth, especially when the husbands stop meeting their emotional needs. Instead of working on their marriage, they turn to their children for comfort as mothers will always feel needed & appreciated by their children.

Studies found out that many men begin extramarital affairs around the time of the birth of child. Sadly, many do not understand the power of intimacy which makes a person feel valued and special. Although most new fathers are thrilled with their new born child, they are not prepared for the loss of their intimacy with their wife. When these basic needs are not met, it makes the husband susceptible to other romantic involvement to help them feel good about themselves.

“Sex makes little kids & kids make little sex” – Don’t make the same mistake!

Have a healthy marriage

If you have been on an airplane before, you would have frequently heard this announcement from the cabin crew.

“In case of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks above your seat will be deployed. Please place the mask first on yourself and then assist your child or other passengers”

But why should be adult take care of himself or herself first? Shouldn’t we help the children first? In a commercial passenger flight, oxygen masks contain enough oxygen only for 12 minutes and after that everyone on board will go unconscious due to Hypoxia (oxygen deprivation). If the flight is at a higher altitude like 20,000 ft. or above, within 20 to 60 seconds one can get unconscious. So always put your own mask on first before helping others because, by the time you've helped everyone else, you may not enough oxygen to help yourself.  This is the main reason flight attendants always advise adults to put the oxygen masks first before assisting your children or other passengers in the case of an emergency.

This is an important metaphor for us in a marriage and in our parenting. If we want to bring up emotionally healthy children, we first need to have a healthy marriage. We cannot effectively parent our children if our marriage is falling apart. The best way to love our children is to first love our spouse. When the marriage is strong, it is the children who benefit – on a daily basis and for years to come.

Moreover, there will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to set up their own family units. If we have not been cultivating a loving relationship with our spouse, we will end up with both empty nests and empty hearts.

Points to Ponder:

In what way have I not shown respect to my Husband?