Unconditional Respect and Submission
In my interaction with couples from all over the world, and from my research on the keys to happiness and fulfillment in marriage, I discovered that most husbands are absolutely desperate for the respect of their wives. For many men, the drive to be respected is even stronger than their drive for sex.
In Eph.5:25, it says, “Husband, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…”. The word “love” is translated from an ancient Greek word, ‘agape’, which refers to the highest form of love, the love of God for humanity - an unconditional love that transcends, that persists regardless of circumstances.
If God demands unconditional love from the husband for the wife, will He not also expect unconditional submission and respect from the wife to the husband when it says in vs.22 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” and in vs.33 “let the wife see that she respects her husband”?
Basically, the bible is telling us that the wife speaks a “love language” and the husband speaks a “respect language”. Marriage must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights”.
In fact, Peter emphasized it again in 1Pet.3:1 and exhorted the wife to submit to her husband even if he is an unbeliever “Likewise, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives…”
God aspect the wife to respect and submit to the unbelieving husband and says that is the key to win them. If wives undermine or disrespect her husband, she has violated the spirit of submission commanded by the Lord. A wife’s submission to her husband is a direct reflection of her submission to Christ.
In 1Pet.3:5-6, he gives attention to it again, “For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submission to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
It is interesting to note that when Peter teaches on submission of the wives, he uses Sarah as an example. But we know that Sarah submitted to Abraham even when He asked her to lie twice to save his own lives. First with Pharaoh in Gen.12:10-20 and then again with Abimelech in Gen.20:1-11.
Are we saying then that submission to the husband is absolute and without limitation?
The important point to note is that Sarah lives before the law, and before the law came, there is no clear definition of sin. Paul says in Rom.7:7 say that “I would not have known sin except through the law. For I would not have known covetousness unless the law had said, ‘You shall not covet’…”
However, today we have the full counsel of God’s Word and the wife therefore only need to submit to the husband if it does not violate the boundaries of biblical principles.
Limitation of Submission
In Rom.13:1-2, we are expected to submit to the ruling authority in our nation, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves”. However, there are limitations to our submission.
In Acts 5:29 – When the high priest forbids the apostle to preach the gospel in Jerusalem “Peter and the other apostles answered and said: ‘We ought to obey God rather than men’.”
Here Peter and the apostle were very clear regarding the boundaries and limitation of the submission to the ruling authority. Likewise, wives are called to submit to their husband only as unto the Lord, meaning within the boundary of God’s written word & principles.
In Acts 5:1-11, we have an example whereby Sapphira submitted to her husband Ananias blindly, violating the principles of God, lied to the Holy Spirit and sadly received the same judgement as her husband, which resulted in her death.
Points to Ponder:
Have you respected your husband unconditionally, as you have expected him to love you unconditionally?