Devotion for Marriages – Humour, Bedtime Habits & Gratitude

Prov.17:22 – “A merry heart does good like medicine”

Laughter is a good medicine, literally and I think it is also a good medicine for the marriage relationship too as it has important physiological effects on us and our spouse. Playfulness between partners is crucial to building a lasting relationship, because it creates bonds and establishes security. Laughter bonds people, it bonds you to those you laugh with – especially in marriage as humour relieves the tension that can build up between spouses.

Many couples enjoy a lot of laughter during courtship as both are always trying to bring joy to the other. Especially for women, they tend to enjoy the relationship with their boyfriend because he is a joker, always bringing joy and fun to them. Unfortunately, many soon realize that the whole relationship was a joke when the Joker’s face soon turns into a constant angry face after marriage.

Fun is the greatest deficit in a healthy relationship. Marital boredom/dullness is dangerous; it degenerates or kills a marriage relationship. A healthy marriage should have a lot more comedy than drama.

Going to bed at the same time

Studies have found out that one of the important habits that help couples to remain happily married is going to bed at the same time. Unfortunately, too many couples go to bed at different times, leading disconnected lives in the evening after already having spent all day apart.

Hence, many couples suffer the undercurrent of “silently drifting apart” without even realising it, as one party starts to feel unhappy with the lack of closeness in the relationship—less connection, less intimacy, less conversation, less time spent together, less appreciation, etc.

One of the easiest habits to “drift proof” our relationship is to practise the habit of going to bed at the same time. Sadly, research shows that more than 75% of couples do not go to bed at the same time, usually because one person is surfing the web, working, or watching TV.

However, “before bedtime” is the most precious and important time to build spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy. We live in a busy world and the work, kids, bills and all the other daily stressors cause us to spend our day apart. Happy couples, however, are intentional about coming back together and reconnecting at bedtime. Before bedtime is always a good time for snuggling and cuddling which helps the couple feel nurtured and relaxed. It can also inspire feelings of love, comfort, satisfaction, bonding, and feeling appreciated.

Gratitude vs. Resentment

1 Thess.5:18 –“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you”

Gratitude is a vital attitude in marriage. Studies have found that when we inwardly feel grateful for the good things about our spouse or about our relationship, it is likely that our spouse experiences a greater sense of marital satisfaction too.

As our marriages move past the honeymoon stage, many of us become deadened to our spouse’s good qualities and instead focus on things that annoy us about them. We often forget why we married them.

Happy couples seek out their spouse’s positive attributes and the things they’re grateful for about the relationship; they do not continually scan their environment for negatives. A negative attitude leads to negative behavior and begets negative responses. Unfortunately, our brains are built to identify negatives, which often tend to monopolize our attention. On the other hand, a positive attitude leads to positive behavior and responses. We should intentionally change the default mode of our brain to always learn to count our blessings, focusing on the positive instead of the negative aspect of our spouse.

Points to Ponder:

Have you lost the fun and joy in your marriage relationship? It’s time to bring some laughter back to your marriage to make it healthy.

What are the things that are hindering the both of you from going to bed at the same time? We can always change our habits if marriage is our priority.

Are you harbouring negative or positive feelings towards your spouse? It’s time to rewire our brains to always have a grateful attitude!