Devotion 10 - Safe Dating
Eccl.4:9-12 – “By yourself you are unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped” (MSG)
This passage encourages and celebrates the practical advantages of mutual assistance and companionship. A person who works alone doesn’t have the capacity to bounce back when he makes mistakes. No one has got his back when he is blindsided. There is an old African proverb which beautifully supports this truth.
“If you want to fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.”
Applying this truth in the context of a relationship means that the strength and support of godly friends can protect us from ungodly and unwholesome relationship. Many stay in unhealthy, ungodly and even abusive relationships because they do not have the fortitude and courage to get out of them. Relationships can be unhealthy for numerous reasons, including substance abuse, lack of commitment, mental illness, incompatibility, chronic arguing and physical or emotional abuse.
No relationship is perfect. Two people will always have issues to iron out. Still, those differences shouldn’t be so serious that it causes the emotional health of the parties involved to be at risk.
One important aspect of safe dating is to remain connected to our friends or a support system. Many do not know how to set appropriate boundaries for themselves. Once they are in a love, they give up all other friendships and lose themselves totally in a relationship.
Prov.27:6 – “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy”
True love wounds! True friends wound each other – they correct, rebuke, and stir each other toward godliness. Sometimes we need to hear what we need to hear rather than what we want to hear. Many are so desperate to love and be loved that they totally deny or ignore truth and reality. Include your date in your cycle of friends and activities as much as possible so that your friends can help be your ‘eye’ while you are blinded and intoxicated with love. Have covenanted & accountable friends to speak into your life without being offended. Ideally, they should be godly spiritual mentors.
To date healthily, we should continue to keep ourselves in fellowship and do not be too exclusive. Never allow your date to kidnap/hijack you away from your healthy relationships with others. Many go through necessary breakups but ended up going back into that same relationship again due to lack of support and loneliness. Bottom of Form
Ending a relationship is never easy. No one likes to break up. Still, unhealthy relationships should end as quickly as possible so that you can get on with your life.
A checklist to gauge if your relationship is healthy:
Do I have serious concerns about this relationship and do my family, spiritual mentor or friends also express concerns?
Do I feel the need to defend my partner before others?
Does my partner and I argue a lot and repeatedly break up and get back together?
Has my partner or I had chronic difficulties committing to this relationship? And do we have a hard time trusting each other or have unnecessary suspicions toward each other?
Has there been an incident of physical abuse?
Am I concerned about my partner’s addiction/s?
Does my partner have problems controlling his or her anger?
Do I dislike my partner’s friends?
If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, your relationship is unhealthy. Seek counsel and take action now to avoid further pain and get yourself headed in a better direction.
Some helpful tips to break away from an unhealthy relationship:
Make a commitment and own your decision. Make a clean break. Don’t drag things out. Attempting to end things in little steps only prolong the process. Decide once and for all you’re going to end it. The process won’t be easy, but your conviction will help to carry you through.
Ending a relationship can be a long and painful struggle, and it's not easy to do it alone. You will need a good support to keep you on track and help you fill your life with healthy, positive activities. Enlist support from family and friends. Let them know of your impending break-up. Figure out how they can help. Create your safety net before you actually need it.
It is important that we date with a purpose, that is, with the intention to seek out a godly future spouse to glorify God in the next season of our life. Without a godly purpose, it leads to an unhealthy intimacy but not necessarily to commitment.