Devotion 19 - Dealing with Singlehood

Philippians 4:11-13 – “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:  I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

How does a Christian single see Christ as her all and ultimate satisfaction, yet have desires to be married? How do we reconcile our desires for marriage with our contentment in Christ?”

Desiring to be married is just one of the many desires that seem to compete with our satisfaction in Christ. Like desiring to have a good job when we are jobless, desiring to be in good health when we are sick or desiring to be financially independent, etc. yet having complete satisfaction in Christ. We all have desires that put us in the same battle with our contentment or satisfaction in Christ. In other words, the desire for marriage is not a unique challenge. It is a normal and healthy desire that does not compete or contradict our contentment in Christ.

Our contentment in Christ in every circumstance should not make us passive as though there was nothing in the world to change, or nothing to pursue. Contentment in Jesus should not be paralyzing but energizing. Resting in Christ gives us a healthy joy in pursuing fruitfulness in other aspects of life.

Exalting singleness

We must never overly exalt singleness as some early church fathers did, as if it were a higher and holier stature than marriage. In the first century, many ascetics teach the denial of pleasure to promoted holiness and extreme self-denial to produce superior spirituality. However, Paul being a single himself condemns this teaching and refers it as demonic doctrines.

1 Timothy 4:1-3 – “Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, ² speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, ³ forbidding to marry...”

We need the full counsel of God to have a balanced view of Scripture. In his response to the Corinthians, Paul counters that sexual temptations are actually a valid reason to pursue marriage.

1 Cor.7:2 – “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”

Against asceticism, Paul argues that sexual pleasure itself is not an evil, rather a God-given good when pursued in the context of marriage. Paul underscores this by arguing that sex is a joyful and right obligation for married couples. Thus, one is not more holy for depriving a spouse of marital rights. Paul is even concerned to say that too long of such abstention could provoke temptation from Satan. Sex, not celibacy, in marriage is a holy thing.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 – “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control…”

But lest the pendulum swing towards the extreme of marriage as the only fulfilling station for the Christian, Paul argues that there is also great joy and purpose to be found in singleness, with celibacy. In fact, He presents himself as an example, but is cautious to identify it as a gift from God.

1 Cor. 7:7 - “For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

In Genesis, we learn that it is good to get marry.

Gen.2:18 – ^“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

However, God is not saying that it is not good to be single either and that everyone should get married, but rather, He is saying humans need human intimacy. Therefore, he created Eve for Adam so that they can multiply and create a healthy community for living. So both the married and the single states are "good"; neither is in itself better or worse than the other.