22) Date when you are Ready

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22) Devotion 22 – Date when you are Ready

Some Christians want marriage so bad, that it becomes an idol in their lives. An idol is not just an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship but more to it, is something or someone we look upon for our fulfillment, significant and purpose in life. Anything that is more important to us than God is an idol.

If we are not careful, marriage can move from a precious gift from God to a false god of personal fulfillment and security. We are deceived to think that we must be in a relationship in order to be happy and fulfilled. We forgot that out spouse is not ours. Our husband or wife belongs to the Lord. He is on loan to us for this life, and then it’s over. Because in the age to come, Jesus says there is no marriage or giving in marriage in the resurrection (Matt.22:30)

Personhood before Partnership

Prov.30:21-23 – “There are three things that make the earth tremble – no, four it cannot endure: A slave who becomes a king, an overbearing fools who prospers, a bitter woman who finally gets a husband…”

There are things that make the earth tremble and there are things and situations that should not happen and when they do, the earth shakes under it and can barely bear up under it. One of the situation mentions here is when a bitter woman gets a husband. Why, isn’t it good news for people to get married?

God’s knows that a bitter woman is not going to make a good wife and instead she will be skilled at making those who love her as miserable as her. This is true also when a bitter husband gets married. Those who are hurt will always hurt others!

The earth quakes when this happens and sadly, the effect of the quakes lasted often for generations as the children are broken to pieces by the divorce and subsequent marriage that result. A dysfunctional marriage will leads to a dysfunctional family which ultimately leads to dysfunctional society.

Mankind’s love deficit

The day we are born into this world, we do not encounter God’s amazing, wonderful love, but instead we encounter the imperfect conditional love of humanity. Imperfect human love or especially our parents’ wounding can leave very deep scars in our hearts, for their love is the first love we encounter at birth. This love shortfall or deficit is shown in the love plumb line diagram below. The love plumb line is a yardstick to show us how far we have fallen short of God’s love.

Rejection
Love deficit (gap)
Human love
God’s love

Our love deficit is shown as the gap between God’s love we yearn for, and human love we receive. This love deficit leads to rejection, its mirror image, which is shown as the gap between red and green lines. Rejection produces emotions such as pain, resentment, anger and bitterness. The greater our parents or guardians nurture us away from God’s divine love plumb line, the greater the deficit created in our soul. This in turn creates a greater rejection in our spirit which breeds darkness in our soul. Unresolved conflicts in the soul of a child will leave wounds in his inner child which perpetuate all the way to adulthood, locking the adult into immature patterns of behavior. Thus, many grow up biologically into adulthood but not emotionally which greatly affects the health of the marriage.

What happens when we date out love deficits in our lives?

We become victim of love – Seeking false intimacy. Due to hurt, rejection, insecurity, etc. – we crave for unhealthy love which often leads to physical intimacy before marriage. Rejection from love also makes us think irrational thoughts. It leads to rebellion (getting back on our parents) and immoralities (do not love ourselves and treasure our body). We start falling in lust with every person we show interest in, or every person who shows interest in us. Sexual sin is actually seeking counterfeit love or substitute for affection

We become prisoner of Love – Staying in abusive relationship. Loneliness is a very powerful negative force; it can make us do almost anything to fill up the hole inside. Many end up staying in a bad or even abusing relationship than have no relationship at all. A bad relationship is probably more painful than a bad single state. In a single state, you are probably lonely, but in a bad relationship, you are lonely and miserable. The structure of intimacy is in place but the heart of intimacy is absent.

Do not be overly stress to find the right partner and don’t spend too much time looking for a “good spouse” and neglect thinking about what would make me a good husband or good wife. Be the right person that will attract the right person into your life. If we want someone who is Godly, loves reading the bible, love God, love people, etc. Are you developing yourself in this area? Our personal growth and restoration through God’s love is detrimental before partnership. The most attractive person is a person full of the love of God!

Date when you are ready, not when you are lonely. Place your heart in the hand of God and He will place it in the hand of those who deserves it!