Devotion 7 – Hindering True Intimacy
The foundation for a good marriage is laid long before the wedding ceremony. It is established when two people begin dating. If we have a healthy and godly dating relationship, we have a greater chance of success in our marriage!
When a man and woman are in a dating relationship, they will move closer to each other emotionally (the two lines converging towards each other). At the point where the two lines intercept, that is when the couple gets married. However, after marriage, most couples begin to emotionally move apart from each other and the gap widens over time.
The relationship often moves from irresistible to incompatible, fascination to frustration and worse, from being love birds to angry birds. Sadly, this graph is true even among couples who fear God and love God; how much more for couples who are of different faiths.
Ungodly unions cannot result in true intimacy
1Thess.5:23 “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
We are spiritual beings that possess a soul and live in a body. Our real person is our spirit man; hence, true intimacy starts with our spirit. If we do not have spiritual intimacy, it is very difficult to grow in emotional intimacy and fully enjoy physical intimacy.
2Cor.6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
If one spirit is united to light and another is united to darkness, how can a couple have deep communion and fellowship, and grow in intimacy and oneness to glorify God in their marriage?
Understanding how we fall in Love
There is a “Love Bank” inside each one of us that keeps an emotional account of the love deposits and withdrawals we receive from people around us. If a person treats us well and makes us feel good, he or she makes a deposit into our account. But if a person makes us feel hurt or miserable, he or she makes a withdrawal from our account.
Our Love Bank balance motivates us to be with people who treat us well and avoid those who hurt us. And if we allow someone to make deposits beyond the invisible love barrier, we would naturally develop a romantic feeling for that person and “fall in love” with him or her.
Therefore, we should be very careful and do not allow any ungodly person to put deposit into our emotional bank account as our emotional needs often cry out louder than the love and fear of God in our lives. For that reason, many God-loving and God-fearing believers are subtly and unconsciously enticed and lured into unequally yoked relationships, and ultimately find themselves trapped and imprisoned in these relationships.
Jesus gave us a very wise and stern warning to prevent us from entering into sin.
Matt.5:29-30 “And if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perishes, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.”
That means we should act immediately and decisively to avoid ungodly relationships. We should set up boundaries to safeguard us from being unequally yoked. If we find ourselves having a ‘good feeling’ for an unbeliever or notice that an unbeliever has a liking for us, we should flee from the temptation at all cost, even if it means leaving a promising career or a comfortable environment.