Devotion 8 - Character

All singles have a desired dream spouse in terms of character, appearance or even social status. And consciously or unconsciously, many tend to be led by their emotions and price appearance and charisma above godly character.

Acts.6:3 “Therefore, brethren, seek out from among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business…”

If this is the kind of quality the early church looked for when selecting leadership, shouldn’t they also be what we look for in leaders of our home? Never forget that we are not only choosing a spouse for ourselves but we are also choosing a father or mother for our future kids. So, a person’s suitability for that role needs to be taken into account.

Women are generally attracted by charisma and social status due to their basic need for security. On the other hand, men generally are visual creatures. Thus, they are easily swayed by attractive women, as an attractive wife is one of man’s basic marital needs. However, the sovereign and omniscient God warns man through the Scriptures to instead seek for “a woman who fears the Lord” as their primary consideration for a future spouse, and not base the decision on their emotions.

Prov.31:30 “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

Prov.12:4 “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”

In choosing our marital partner, we must always be conscious to have the end in mind - our goal is to build a marriage and family that will glorify God. The wrong ‘why’ you marry, will often lead you to the wrong ‘who’. Hence, we should always be mindful to seek God’s face before we ‘explore’ our feeling.

Never, never marry out of Mercy.

We know we are to be merciful as God our Father is merciful. However, we should not have a redeemer mentality in marriage. One should not marry because we feel sorry for that person, perhaps thinking that no one else would marry them. We are not called to be a saviour or redeemer to our potential spouse. Remember, we should be looking for someone we want to live with, not put up with. If you are already tolerating your partner for the sake of the relationship, proceed with caution. We belong to God, first and foremost. We live to please him before we live to please anyone else.

We are not dissuading anyone from marrying a person who is seriously disabled or dealing with some past issues that we know will be troublesome. But marriage should be entered into with discerning hearts and biblical wisdom.

Marry someone we want to be married to for the rest of our lives, not someone we hope to transform into a satisfactory person. If not, we would spend our life working on the problems in our marriage, and we will literally be in a ‘marriage ministry’ of our own.

Some may foolishly argue, “God called me to carry this cross!” Really, has God called our future children to carry that cross?

We are not in the position to judge, but what we are saying is this - be led by the Spirit and reality rather than emotions.

Physical Abuse

We know we should always be forgiving, but when it comes to physical abuse in dating, our advice and opinion is that one strike is enough, and he or she does not deserve a second chance unless they are willing to go through anger management therapy to resolve their issues. Even then, proceed with great prudence as it may put us and our future generations at risk of serious injury.

The stakes are too high to marry for mercy. Remember our marriage will affect us for the next forty or fifty years. We only have one life, one body, one heart to give away. Make it count!

Incompatibility is not a biblical ground for divorce, but it is definitely a valid ground for breaking up a dating relationship. If we compromise on vital issues, we risk fighting resentment for the rest of our lives. Before a couple say, “I do,” both have the option to stay or leave. Once they walk down the aisle, however, the rules change drastically. Spouses must be willing to overlook the other’s annoying characteristics and do their best to make things work.