Devotion 15 - Dos & Don’ts During Dating
2 Tim.2:22 - “Flee also youthful lusts…”
1Cor.6:18 – “Flee sexual immorality…”
Watch your dating environment – do not allow both of you to be alone in situations where sexual contact is possible. Never go on a holiday alone together!
Do not trust your flesh - under certain tempting circumstances, anyone can fall – STAY PUBLIC!
Most people who are sexually active never intend to be so. However, when a guy and a girl spend more time alone together in a private environment, the relationship tends to move quickly and steadily toward greater physical intimacy. It starts with holding hands, kissing, petting and finally sexual intercourse. The law of the progression of weakness of the flesh is working and what satisfies you now will not satisfy you later on. Each time when you are both alone again, you tend to continue where you have left off, like watching an addictive drama series.
Many couples who are involved in petting see nothing wrong in it because they have no intention of going all the way. But invariably, petting is often followed by “heavy petting” (mutual sex play in which the guy and the girl are touching and handling each other’s intimate parts). Hence, sexual passions are further aroused and they end up doing what they never intended to do because the weakness of the flesh has taken over and the body is aroused and stirred up for sexual gratification which propelled them to have intercourse.
Many broken dreams were ignited with a simple innocent kiss in a secluded or isolated place that was never intended to get out of control. Sex drive is nothing to play with. Our hormones can zoom from zero to hundred kilometers an hour in split seconds. You started with a kiss of affection and in the next second, you may find yourself naked.
Technical virgins - One who thinks that they are still a virgin as long as they haven’t had intercourse. They think that anything up to that doesn’t count against your virginity.
1 Cor. 6:18 – “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
Many know and understand this exhortation, but often the question is asked, “How far can I go in intimacy without sinning. How far is ‘too far’”?
The goal is not to avoid sin but to live a life of worship onto God. We should not be focusing on being a virgin, but rather focusing on holiness. We often ask if we can…, the better question to ask is whether we should.
There is an epidemic going on today that need to be addressed. Courting couples kiss all over yet claim virgin status. Some even consider mutual masturbation, oral and anal sex as not breaching virginity. Lots of people are afraid to talk about it because it just seems too sensitive and unconventional. If we want to get real with ourselves and with God, we have to get real about our sex lives. We can’t keep on lying to ourselves as if that makes everything okay, because it doesn’t.
Let’s take a logical look at sex and find out where we are going wrong and how to get back on track.
1 Cor.6:9-10 – “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”
This is serious stuff. If you don’t really understand what constitutes sexual immorality, then you run the risk of missing out on your inheritance in the kingdom of God.
Satan is the master of subtlety. He loves to emphasize the subtle differences between things so that we get confused and start to sin but think we really aren’t doing anything wrong. Unfortunately, he has successfully confused many so well in the world of sex.
Let’s get a bit more technical in Eph.5:3
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
God detests not only sexual immorality but also any hint of it. Many Christian couples are involved in public display of affection and think that it is fine with God. (Everyone will assume you are having sex in private if you are so intimate with each other in public). Anything that might give others a hint of sexual immorality is improper for God’s children.
We not going to tell you where to draw the line or even state that there is a line. But remember, there is a Spirit within us. The best is to assume there is a CCTV recording your behavior every time you are alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you are not comfortable to show the recording to your parents or spiritual mentor, than you probably shouldn’t do what you are doing.
Women should be aware that men are easily excitable sexually. So you should not try to tease and flirt with your boyfriend sexually. Once you ignite his desires, he might force you to ‘unite’ with him. Most men will treat a girl based on the way she behaves. If she is godly and modest in her behavior, she increases his respect and the opposite is true.
Another important thing to note is that men often confuse sex with love. When a man says that they are desperately in love with you and wants to be intimate with you, they are not in love, they are just on heat, and so you shouldn’t believe them.